The highs and lows of sport, and life, are cruel. The highs are cruel because, I imagine much like someone chasing their next hit, you always want another. The lows are cruel because you are left feeling lost, empty, and as if the training and hours of sacrifice were for nothing (which is often not the case).

Nothing, I truly mean nothing, leaves me happier than racing. Even though I very rarely finish a race happy with my performance. I am never there at the end thinking “yes, I nailed that race it was the best I could have done”. I’m often left disappointed, upset, a bit of a moaner – much to the dismay of friends and family. Yet, I think this dissatisfaction with my performance is what keeps me so disciplined and motivated to train the way I do and to make the sacrifices I do. So that one day, I experience that elation I see on professional athletes faces as they have a fantastic performance. I am chasing the high and to an extent the sacrifice is definitely worth it to have shot at that.

Yet, I sacrifice so many other highs that life has to offer for this one moment that comes with no guarantee. At the moment, in this ‘post covid’ UK my friends are going out clubbing, bars, art galleries, dinners, BBQs, big social events, holidays, you name it. They are living while I am here training. I am training because what I want is not something I can have now, but something that will come later. It is a hard concept to come to terms with, because later may never come.

I have the biggest race of my life (so far) coming up in Warsaw on the 5th September 2021. Currently, I am unwell (a cold of some sort) and not training only two weeks out, but the 1000+ hours and sacrifice will not suddenly be refunded to me if I cannot race. Yet, that is the cost of admission to have a chance at achieving what I want to achieve and I wouldn’t change it for anything. It is a hard truth to accept. As Captain Picard once said, “It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life.”